Creativity vs. Feeling Crappy
A couple of years ago, I received a diagnosis that put a face to the myriad of weird symptoms I’d been suffering from for years. I had to find a doctor who could and would connect the dots. My general practitioner (who never told me I was a hypochondriac and is AWESOME), was determined to help me puzzle this out. And we did. I was diagnosed with Lupus. I don’t reveal this for sympathy. For me, having an explanation for my symptoms and overall health issues is priceless. However, that doesn’t preclude me from dealing with the ups and downs of the situation.
That brings me to feeling crappy and being creative. It’s hard to be creative when exhaustion, constant fluey symptoms (without the virus), light sensitivity and headaches plague me. That being said, I’ve become better at recording my thoughts and ideas (yes, I have an app for that 🙂 ).
I’ve been blessed in so many ways, this entire experience has taught me to say ‘no’, budget my time, and steal any moment I can to write. I have to be careful not to overextend myself, I WILL pay for it (click here for a great article about Lupus and its impact). I work hard to find my balance and create a world that I can function in. Lupus has focused my world to the priorities. My priorities are pretty simple – work, write and get the basics done.
So, I write. I edit. I say no to things that would be fun to participate in, knowing I’ll not be able to keep my eye on my prize – telling my stories and getting them published.
I have dreams where I have boundless energy, I’m running so fast and fulfilling every dream of mine. Then I wake up. Sometimes, it’s heartbreaking.
So, I work at boiling everything down to its salient points. My world is only limited by the physical. Mentally? I get hazy, but the mind is very much working hard. I still try to leap buildings in a single bound, instead of taking the elevator. I push myself – I want my old life back, when I felt like I could conquer the world. I’m down for a little while, but I’m not out.
Creativity is born from adversity and life experience. I’ve got that in spades. I count my blessings that I’m here, making my goals. I’m not down for the count, I’m just the tortoise instead of the hare.
If memory serves me right the tortoise won in the end.